Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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