I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
