That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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