Yo dont text me then not text me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
