Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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