I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My hand turned me down
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
