I'm laying in your front yard are you home
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
