she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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