I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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