All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
