You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
