I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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