See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
