he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
