How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
