Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
