billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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