I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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