If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
