Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
