O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
