The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
