omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
