she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
