Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
