I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
