I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
