..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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