dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
