Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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