Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
