shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
