i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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