Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
