I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
