I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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