If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
