I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
