I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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