I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
