I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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