Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
