I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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