I wanna bring you to show and tell
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
