I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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