I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
