i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
