dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
