I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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