So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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