I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
